"Can you handle that, Third Year?"

I'M ALMOST DONE WITH THIRD YEAR!!!  Whoo-hoo!!  It's been good.  It's been bad.  It's even been downright ugly.  Here's some of the highlights (and some of the better Catie Moments...) 

*WARNING:  This post has bad words.  Heads up ;)

ENT
(This happened on my very first day of third year by the way.) We just finished a surgery, and my resident told me to grab a quick bite to eat and meet her back in the operating room.  So I did, and went back to the same OR.  I saw that the patient was already in there, so I started to scrub.  Another resident walked up and started scrubbing, too. I hadn't seen him before, but since it was my first day, I thought that was to be expected.
Res: "Hello."
Me: "Hi, my name is Catie Ross.  I"m a third year medical student."
Res: "Wonderful.  See you in there."
So I finish and go into the OR and get gowned and gloved.  I turn around, and skid to a halt because the patient's arm pit is exposed.  Ear, nose and throat doctors don't do armpits from what I understand. 
Res: "Well, come on, I don't have all day.  You stand here."
Me, unsure of what to do: "Um.... I think I may be in the wrong room.  I'm on ENT, and thought this was where the next case --"
Res: "Yeah, they won't miss you.  Stand here."
So I did.  And he proceeded to pimp me.  A lot.  Thankfully I answered most of the questions correctly.  And then the attending on whatever-the-heck-service-this-was walked in.
Attending:" Ah, I see you found a medical student."
Res: "Yeah, she wandered in, so I made her stay."  Oh, how little did she know he was serious.
Attending: "Well, if she knows her ass from a hole in the ground, let her suture a little."
Apparently I did, because he let me suture.  So my first time ever throwing a stitch, I scrubbed into the wrong OR with the wrong resident's patient.  Awesome.  I sure hope he doesn't remember my name.

Ortho
This happened a few weeks after the ENT fiasco.
Resident, pointing to a text book: "This is an interesting case.  What can you tell me about this x-ray?"
Me: "Um.... well.... that would be an x-ray of an arm."
Res, rolling his eyes: "Yeah, ok.  Good, I guess.  So it's an arm.  What else?"
Me: "Well... it's an infant's arm..."
Res, heaving a big sigh:  "Yeah, no shit.  It's a pediatric orthopaedic textbook.  What else? Do you notice anything strange about it?"
Me, very flustered: "Um.... no, I think it looks ok..."
Res, smashing his head against the wall: "THERE ISN'T A RADIUS.  You know, one of the TWO bones in the forearm that's supposed to be there?"
Me: "Oooooh.  I thought the patient's arm was just turned at a weird angle and it was on top of the ulna or something."
Res, disgusted: "No.  It.... no."
That was a fun week.  No, really.... it was fun.   

General surgery
The residents were all busy doing other stuff, so I was first assist in the OR with the attending.
Dr. X:  "So, since it's just us, here's what's gonna happen.  I'm gonna cut all this shit outta this side, and then go to the other side.  While I'm cutting all the shit outta the other side, you're gonna sew this side up; do a mattress.  I'll sew up the other side, and then we'll be done.  Let's make it a competition and see who finishes first."  *Evil smile*
Me: "Sure, I can do that.  Do you want a vertical or horizontal mattress?"
Dr. X: "I don't fucking know what it's called.  Do you think I can show you what to do, and then have you fucking do it?"
Me: "Probably."
Dr. X rolled her eyes, and then showed me which stitch she wanted me to do.  "Ok, third year medical student, is this a vertical or horizontal mattress?"
Me: "That would be a vertical mattress."
Dr. X: "Then do a fucking vertical mattress.  And don't fuck up.  Got it?"
I nodded, and we got to work.  About twenty minutes later, I was staring off into space when Dr X asked, "What the fuck are you doing? Are you already done?"
Me: "Yes ma'am."
Dr. X: "Huh.  How does it look?"
Me: "I think it looks ok."
Dr. X: "That's my patient, it better look a hell of a lot better than just ok."
Me: "It looks fan-freaking-tastic."
Dr. X: "Uh huh, yeah.  Don't count on it.  You better hope it's not fucked up."
A few minutes later, she came over to inspect my work.  "Hell, that's not a half bad job.  Wait, what the fuck were you thinking here? That looks like shit."
Me: "That's the one you did."
Dr. X: "No shit? Well that's gotta be redone.  Get to it."

Neuro
We had to do a complete neuro exam on a patient while an attending or resident graded us.  I was sent to the ER to evaluate a patient, and the resident told me that he would grade me on this exam.  So I explained to the patient that it would seem silly, but I would do a complete exam twice, and then the resident would do another one.  He was a very nice man, and said sure. 
Me: "Mr. So-and-so, this is Dr. X, he's going to watch me while I do that exam all over again, ok?"
Patient: "Sure, dear, sure.  That's fine."
I got to work, and a few minutes later, the patient whispered, "Hey, don't forget to do that thing you did earlier with my foot."
Me, whispering, "Thanks, I'm just getting to that."
A few minutes later: "Hey darlin', don't forget to that thing with my finger, either." 
Me, with a smile, "I won't, thanks for reminding me." 
The resident thought it was hilarious that the patient was helping me.  I got a good grade ;)


Pediatrics
4 year old:  "Mommy says I'm a hyper-chondriac."
Me: "Oh, and what's that mean?"
4 year old: "It means I'm sick aaaaaaaaaall the time."
Me: "Are you sure it doesn't mean that you THINK you're sick all the time?"
4 year old, with hand on hip: "Girl, when I think I'm sick, I AM sick."

Attending: "So do you know what you want to do?"
Me: "I'm thinking about either family practice or peds."
Attending: "Oh, yuck!  DON'T do FAMILY PRACTICE.  Geez, what's wrong with you?  You would have to work with..... adults."  And then she shuddered. 

Medicine
Me, after seeing my patient for the first time in the morning: "Ok, since this is a teaching hospital, you have a team taking care of you.  We're all going to meet and talk, and then we'll all come back in a little while and see you together.
Pt, heaving a huge sigh: "Oh, good, ok.  So the real doctors are going to be here soon?"

Resident:  "Ok, what can you tell me about this EKG?"
Me: "....... it's upside down."

Psychiatry
Me: "Pt X did well overnight, only requesting 2 prn Haldols." [PRN means as needed]
Attending: "Wait, a patient actually REQUESTED Haldol?"
Me: "Um.... yes, sir.  He said it made him feel a lot better after getting some."
Attending: "Wow, that's... um... Yeah, you just gotta respect a man who requests Haldol."